


Shattered, Shatters

by Jen425



Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Decade, Tokusatsu
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Blackmail, Established Relationship, Forced Mute, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Attempt, Whump, implied/referenced death of child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jen425/pseuds/Jen425
Summary: Tsukasa finds himself in a position he can’t get out of and things only get worse from there.
Relationships: Hikari Natsumi/Kadoya Tsukasa/Kaitou Daiki/Onodera Yuusuke
Comments: 12
Kudos: 11





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Oh huh it’s been a while since I’ve posted something so utterly horrible. Missed using the Awful tags.
> 
> I hope you like it!

It’s not the first time some remnant of Dai-Shocker came after them, and it certainly won’t be the last. The only thing is that they took Tsukasa with them.

Of course, even that had happened before, but usually they got him out or he escaped within a day or two.

It had happened to all four of them.

Well, this time is different. This time it’s been weeks.

This time Tsukasa, _Tsukasa_ who even in defeat has an element of inherent _size_ to him, splayed out, is curled in the corner, watching them with furtive gazes.

Tsukasa opens his mouth as though to ask something but then quickly shuts it again. Yuusuke is the one to walk to him first, however. Tsukasa stumbles forwards, and that’s what calls Natsumi to action, though she’s quickly followed by Daiki, as all three catch a collapsing Tsukasa. His hands all but flail as he tries to figure out which of them to reach for.

Daiki takes his hands.

“It’s okay, Tsukasa,” Yuusuke says.

“We’re taking you home,” Natsumi adds. Tsukasa freezes for a moment… and then he stumbles back. Fights them until he’s in a state where he truly can’t.

They catch him when he falls once again, and this time, he’s limp.

  
  
  


They don’t waste time after that. Natsumi doesn’t know _which_ of them opens the veil, just that they all make it through, helping Tsukasa when he stumbles, and arriving right in their room.

There, he shrugs them off, quite obviously barely making it to the bed. Natsumi wonders if the other two feel as helpless as she does.

They must, she can see it in their eyes. 

A sharp noise shakes her from her thoughts. Oh.

Is Tsukasa… crying?

Natsumi can’t help it, she immediately runs forwards, sits next to him, meets his eyes to see them shining.

His mouth opens and closes, small, barely heard sounds exiting his mouth, and _no_ , surely even former Dai-Shocker members couldn’t be that cruel.

“Tsukasa…” she says, softly. Another hitched breath and then shining eyes turn into tears. Making even more clear the magenta Rider’s current terror. That’s when the others come, and it helps some, Natsumi thinks, even if he’s shaking, they’ve maneuvered into a more comfortable position where all of them can be touching and holding their shattering fourth member, who all but never shows this.

None of them are good at showing their pain, though. Admittedly.

He’s still shaking, and Natsumi’s soul aches.

It hadn’t even been a month.

It’s daylight out, but they all lay there until Tsukasa’s eyes are closed and his shaking subsides.

And Natsumi doesn’t know _what_ to do.

Daiki does, however.

“This is your job,” he says. “I’m going back to take a few more treasures.”

Natsumi considers giving him a reproachful look, but there’s something in his eyes, a certain determination that she can’t help but trust.

“Good luck,” Yuusuke says, obviously sensing the same.

  
  
  


“Was he ever…” Yuusuke trails off, obviously unsure how to finish the statement. “I mean…”

“When I met him, he was laying on the side of a forest trail and he threatened me,” Natsumi says. “He spent the next few weeks losing his memory as fast as he gained it. And I still don’t… I’ve never…”

_I’ve never seen him this shattered._

“Oh,” Yuusuke replies. “I mean…”

“I don’t know what to do,” Natsumi admits, stroking Tsukasa’s back. Maybe she can at least help him change and take a bath after he wakes up, but whatever had been done to his voice?

That… she doesn’t know.

“What we always do,” Yuusuke replies. “Be here for each other.”

  
  
  


Tsukasa wakes up in the evening and he immediately thrashes. Natsumi, who had decided to stay until he woke up, moves away, too scared to try holding him down when obviously he isn’t fully aware of his surroundings.

“Tsukasa, stop,” she says.

Tsukasa settles after only a few moments, blinking as if confused why no one is touching him, anymore.

“It’s okay; you’re home,” Natsumi continues regardless, as Tsukasa turns to her. “You’re safe.”

She takes his hand. Tsukasa stares at her. It’s an empty gaze. Natsumi sighs.

“You should change out of those… clothes,” she says, gesturing to the bloody, tattered rags she thinks might have originally been medical robes. Or some kind of uniform. Or a mix of the two.

Tsukasa nods, wincing as he tries to take them off. Natsumi immediately goes to help him.

There’s several a long, half-healed gashes along his arms, and the skin all around it is pink and inflamed. Deep scars on his chest. And…

A hastily done bandage around his neck, confirming her suspicions.

Tsukasa turns to her, and there’s almost a challenge in his eyes.

It’s empty, even emptier when she sees how even worse off his legs are. No wonder walking had been such a challenge. How had he not bled into the bed?

“Do you think you could stand a bath?” Natsumi asks, regardless. Tsukasa nods.

“Okay.”

  
  
  


“Brought these back,” Daiki says. It’s the next day, and Tsukasa is sleeping again. Tsukasa, who essentially only sleeps when he feels like it, is exhausted, and it’s another layer of worry. He’s holding up Tsukasa’s camera and Driver, smile not at all hiding his own worry. “How is he?”

“Not… great,” Natsumi offers. “They really hurt him. I can’t…”

Daiki shakes his head.

“You know as well as I do that hurting him wouldn’t cause him to act like this,” he says. “There’s something we’re missing, and I think it’s more—”

“I think they cut his vocal cords,” Natsumi interrupts. “You should have seen under the bandage on his neck, I…”

She can’t help it, now _she’s_ crying.

  
  
  


She develops what’s on the photo role and realizes what’s going on, immediately.

The very first photo, and it comes out unaltered. She keeps going.

They’re pictures of mangled corpses, pictures of a dangerous form in flashes. Natsumi thinks of when a group had captured Yuusuke and almost taken control of Kuuga for the second time.

She looks at these and wondered if, with Tsukasa, they’d succeeded.

  
  
  


(She shows the others the photos. It takes them moments to understand her fears.

“It’s can’t be,” Yuusuke says.

“Can it?” Daiki asks.)

  
  
  


Tsukasa locks the door to the bedroom, and they come in to find him passed out in a pool of his own blood.

They don’t leave him alone anymore.

(Even Dai-Shocker was not that awful, but Tsukasa?)

  
  
  


He could, if he wanted to, escape them. Go somewhere else where he could egg heroes on to kill him once more if not simply do it himself, like he”d tried, but he doesn’t, which gives Natsumi hope.

He instead goes through the motions as they travel carefully through civilian Worlds. He sleeps half the day and wakes from nightmares each night. 

“What happened?” Is the thought that echoes in Natsumi’s head, over and endless. What had been done to and by Tsukasa while he was away that he’d…

(Maybe the mutism was accidental, maybe he’d been trying…)

She doesn’t know.

  
  
  


She enters the bathroom, after she hears the smashing, and is hit by a heatwave.

Yuusuke’s in Kuuga, black seeping onto the red. The sound was the tiles smashing as he hit the wall. Tsukasa stands across the room, untransformed and expressionless.

“Natsumi,” Yuusuke says. “He didn’t…” the armor disappears in a flash of light. “He didn’t mean to.”

Natsumi nods.

“I know.”

She runs forwards and takes Tsukasa’s hand, feels whatever power is within her rail to get out.

Unlike Kuuga’s, it can’t.

Tsukasa doesn’t meet her gaze.

“I know, Tsukasa,” she says. “You’re home now, okay? It was an accident.”

  
  
  


Is there an answer here? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know, and she can’t even ask, when she’s the one who has the hardest time in talking to him. Can’t bear watching the way his mouth opens and closes on silence.

(“He knows sign language,” Daiki says. “So do I. Required on my World in school.”

“Do you think it would be easier than writing it?” Natsumi asks.

“I don’t think anything will be, right now.”)

And then, one day… there it is, a confirmation.

It’s not out of control, but of course it’s not. It’s just a shift, because they have found themselves in a World with enemies to fight. Probably instinct.

There are four more limbs on his back, a black form detailed in magenta. Hard to see the details in photos taken on his own camera out of cruelty. Easy to see now.

She doesn’t know why Tsukasa has the gashes, why there are pictures of this form over corpses. She doesn’t _care_.

She looks him in the eyes and says “Decade.”

Tsukasa turns to her, and Natsumi forces herself not to look away.


	2. Inside Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukasa is captured. This is fine until he realize he’s actually trapped.
> 
> And why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this at 1am to make chapter one comprehendable. It accidentally made everything about 5x worse. I hope you enjoy!

They didn’t give him chances to fight. Not immediately. It’s almost strange, this sect doesn’t want Decade, it wants…

(It wants Oya-San’s powers it wants his most powerful most dangerous wants to pull it from under his skin when he’s never even tried never needed to never  _ wanted _ to.)

The first few days is tests, loaded and reloaded. Torture in the name of science. A controllable beast.

(He tries to escape, but they have hostages. He doesn’t know where they are. They respond when Tsukasa challenges their legitimacy.

They’re too potentially real to risk testing a lie.)

By the end, however, they do it. Tsukasa recognizes instantly the echo in his voice. No longer human even in form.

It gets worse from there. They had already begun to use him. They tell him to summon veils, to use his powers, cut him large and deep to see how long he could bleed before he passed out from the pain and the power output.

If he doesn’t cooperate, someone dies.

Within the first day, he watches two die when he tries to fight.

(He doesn’t consider escape after that.)

And then they send him on, to see what he can do in new monstrous and old not-quite human forms, test his abilities, make him fight for them, kill for them. He wants to tell them no, but the price for his words is an innocent’s life.

They keep it smart, intelligently. He tries to sabotage his work.

They kill more.

Six more dead because he refused.

He counts them down on his body, arms and legs using a ripped out claw from one of the extra arms on his back. It hurts, but it doesn’t matter.

They let him. It doesn’t hurt his monster body.

(The claw grows back.)

  
  
  


At least sometimes they pit him against other monsters. At least then he can feel guiltless when he destroys them.

  
  
  


He can’t stop himself. He tries to help. People die either way. He counts them on his skin.

He notes the scientist watching him fight in monster form, taking pictures on his own camera.

He keeps his emotions hidden.

  
  
  


Nonetheless, when he does collapse from utter exhaustion, he dreams about going home.

  
  
  


So many hostages, so many victims used as bait or future subjects, but then this is Dai-Shocker, they’re here to conquer with their ideas. He thinks about it every day, despite himself.

One day, they tell him to kill one cleanly with his venom or they’ll kill five. Children. The oldest can’t be more than twelve.

She says to pick her. He does.

It’s the final straw, for him. It’s been weeks, and he’s just too  _ tired… _

He doesn’t cut deep enough in his neck, and he can’t bleed out. It’s just enough for no sound to pass his lips when he wakes up.

They tell him if he tries anything else, they’ll kill another of the kids instead of saving them for future use.

He tries screaming, begging. He’s past dignity, now.

No sound exits his lips.

He goes back to the lab tests, for the next few days. He almost prefers them.

  
  
  


When the others come to rescue him, he fails at telling them of what’s at stake before he’s moving. It’s too much energy, and he can’t even form the words fully, much less find a way to say them.

He fights them. He hopes it’s enough for them to not kill the children.

And he cries, and he lets them hold him, but he knows he just caused yet another death.

  
  
  


It’s so  _ hard _ , having to exist after what he’d done and let happen. He remembers those he’d killed, the torture, the deaths when he didn’t comply. No way out, no options. Death on his hands once again.

No way to undo it, not this time.

It’s easier, he supposes, when he wakes up. The others wake him when he dreams the horrid memories. He can feel Yuusuke’s warmth, Natsumi’s comfort, Daiki’s presence.

But it… it’s not enough.

Eventually, once again, the pain gets too much. But now, no one else will die for him.

(He fails once again.)

  
  
  


They know, he thinks, or at least they suspect. He clutches his camera. If this is here, they’ve seen the photos. Tsukasa remembers what they are. How many pieces they know, he doesn’t want to consider.

(They probably assume he was controlled, but he wasn’t. It was a choice and no matter what he chose, he lost.)

Natsumi’s gaze is the worst. It’s so obvious she wants to ask but doesn’t. Yuusuke tries not to wonder. Daiki is good at his pretending.

Tsukasa can’t bring himself to explain. No written words, no signs, not even spoken if he could… none of it could encompass the feelings.

The powerlessness.

  
  
  


Daiki’s definitely the best, in some ways. He doesn’t ask at all, maybe because for once Tsukasa doesn’t have it in him to fight the other man’s rough edges, and so for a moment, he can be with someone who perhaps knows a slight bit more.

Who doesn’t ask.

Maybe that’s why he tries to sleep so much in the day. He doesn’t have to answer their silent questions.

  
  
  


He loses control, for just a moment.

He knows, this potential power was already his. He’d used it on Yuusuke once before in the other direction,to save him during the Rider War. But nonetheless it’s terror that fills him, and when Yuusuke reaches out…

Kuuga, black on the edges of the armor  _ and _ the eyes.

Natsumi runs in, and the both of them comfort him.

They say it wasn’t him, wasn’t his fault, but he can pull visible monsters from beneath another’s skin, not just his own.

They don’t know and he can’t explain to them that all of it was a choice.

  
  
  


Maybe he does panic, when it’s time to fight. Maybe he’s suddenly staring at clawed hands.

It doesn’t matter. He can’t think.

Someone comes up to him, grabs his hands. He goes still. He has to do the right thing and if he doesn’t even more people die he can’t stop the fight but some people are counting on him and if he does it just right they they die cleanly just focus on the monster first see if that’s enough please—

“Decade.”

The word pierces through his fear. It’s Natsumi holding his hands. He’s back, and they’re here to help.

He’s back.

**[KamenRide: D-D-D-Decade]**

  
  
  


He does try, after that. To… live. To go back to who he was before he was torn apart by his own nature.

(He still doesn’t think he could explain, the way he had done it all technically of his own volition. That remains too much to bear.)

It doesn’t always work. But it gets… better. He starts being able to help worlds again, and living feels like an option every time he can.

(It feels odd, not saying the words, but for that he has no one to blame but himself.)

And when he feels himself starting to drift, he knows the others will catch him.

  
  
  


(And eventually, he tells them, writes down a simple phrase.

_ They made me kill, and if they didn’t, more died. _

If he thinks, maybe all of his issues tie back to this simple phrase. He flees the room then, unable to face the aftermath.

And yes there’s horror in their eyes when they find him but none directed at him, and it’s Yuusuke warmth against him, Daiki’s heartbeat, Natsumi’s hand in his, leading him from a corner to the bed as he starts fading out. 

They don’t blame him, though maybe they should.

“We’ll go back, save them,” Yuusuke says. He meets Tsukasa’s gaze, face hard but caring and making it feel possible.

“When you’re ready,” Natsumi replies. Her hand’s in his hair now, softly stroking as he tries not to shut down from the effort of telling even in such a way.

“We’ve got you,” Daiki promises. Tsukasa melts further into all of them…

And he nods, closing his eyes.

Maybe… maybe this will all work out, after all, and, for now… for now, they’re all here.

The rest comes later.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they did a rescue. The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @flaim-ita or @dancingqueen-mai for just Toku


End file.
